Chronologically Confused Oktoberfest Foodies

One of my friends from med school is now in plastic surgery residency in Cincinnati.

While visiting her there this weekend, I experienced my very first Oktoberfest. I agreed to go along to said fest, politely overlooking the fact that it was occurring in September, figuring that if Oktoberfest is good, then the extra-early Septemberfest version of it is probably even better. (...and also because I had it on good authority that there would be an attempt at setting the world record for largest group performing the Chicken Dance en masse.)

While wandering around September/Oktoberfest, we came across a batter-dipped, deep-fried, powdered-sugar-covered peanut butter and jelly sandwich available from one of the food vendors.

While ogling the sandwich with shock and awe, we met three guys who were on the verge of splitting one such sandwich. They let us take these pictures of their gastronomic moment of glory. They did not die. At least not while we were still there to witness it.

We then stumbled upon the Hudepohl Beer Glockenspiel Clock Tower where a phenomenal British announcer was drumming up crowd excitement for the World Bratwurst Eating Championships, in which last year's winner, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, was about to defend his title against a dude in a lucha libre Mexican wrestling mask. You can't make this stuff up.

Joey ate 32 bratwurst in 10 minutes. Then he ate another 5 bratwurst in 1 minute to seal the championship. In contrast, I've eaten about 5 bratwurst in 31 years.

To quote the announcer, it was "the greatest event in all of recorded gastric history. The Mount Sinai of mastication."

Here's how Joey Jaws felt about his accomplishment:

Here's how we felt while watching his accomplishment:

If you've never watched a grown man ingest 32 brats in 10 minutes, you simply wouldn't understand the mix of mute horror and admiration.

With that in mind:
The next time you're feeling down, truly low, like you've already given all you have to give, dig deep inside yourself and remember that there's always room for 5 more bratwurst.