Dave: "Do you have a favorite sappy sentimental song?"
Me: "Totally. There's a great Garth Brooks song from Hope Floats. *Proceed to mangle the aforementioned song by trying to sing it quietly in a public place.* What about you?"
Dave: "Well, you know that song *proceed to falsetto* I hope you daaaaaance *end falsetto* from about 10 years ago?"
Me: "Oooh! That one was great--very sweet. It's a little sentimental for your tastes, though, isn't it?"
Dave: "My mom really liked it. My brother typed up all the words and framed it as a gift for her. I kind of make fun of him for it. Typing up sappy lyrics and giving them as a present? That's a really lame gift."
Me: "But it was thoughtful. Did she like it?"
Dave: "She loved it."
Me: "Then it was a good gift."
Dave: "Just because she liked it? Her bad taste makes his bad gift a good gift? You can't just frame something and call it a good gift."
He's got a point. There are things a mere frame can't redeem.
So here's the question: What makes a gift good? Does it have to be an intrinsically good thing in order to be a good gift? Can a bad thing be a good present if it's really super appreciated by the person you're giving it to? I say yes!
- Giving a box of laxatives to your date for Valentine's Day, randomly: Bad Gift.
- Giving a box of laxatives to your roommate who's all stopped up and uncomfortable because of the pain meds they're taking after having an appendectomy: Good Gift. Even better if you put a bow on top.
Which makes me wonder if the reverse is true. Can a good thing be a bad gift just because the recipient doesn't appreciate it?
- A shiny new car and fresh-baked cookies and Elizabeth Taylor's awesome emerald and diamond necklace and a bottle full of spritzy stuff imbued with the magical musk of Eli Manning (all the makings of a Good Gift)... If you give them to Veruca Salt, who pouts unhappily because you didn't also include an Oompa Loompa, does that mean it was a Bad Gift?
Snozzberries make great gifts.
Shall we put it to a vote? [Polling Closed]
In order to be a Good Gift, a present must be:
In order to be a Good Gift, a present must be:
A. A good thing AND thoughtfully given AND well-received (20%)
B. Anything, as long as it's thoughtfully given (20%)
C. Anything, as long as it's well-received (3%)
D. A good thing OR thoughtfully given OR well-received (37%)
E. I want an Oompa Loompa! (17%)
I do want an Oompa Loompa. Especially an Eli Manning Oompa Loompa. ...but that wasn't your point was it?
ReplyDeleteI vote D. As long as at least one of those elements is in place, it's a good present. And if you ask me, the least important one is that the gift is an inherently good object. It's more important that thought went into it, and that hopefully the person you gave it to needed/liked it.
I think that the reception the gift receives is way more important than the quality or thoughtfulness of the gift itself. Without realizing it, people often give gifts for themselves, not the other person. In fact, I'd wager to say that we've all done that. We think we're clever or generous--we're giving a gift that makes us feel good instead of the other person. In fact, a lot of people don't even like to receive gifts.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, I was about 3 years into a relationship with a woman and her birthday was coming up. We shared a passion for food, and we often lamented how we didn't have a grill (we lived together). So I thought it would be a good idea to get her a grill for her birthday. It was a practical gift that would bring her much joy (or so I thought).
When I gave it to her, I knew immediately that it wasn't the romantic gift she wanted. It was then I that realized that I had gotten her the grill not just for her, but also for myself (I would benefit from the assortment of meats I'd cook on the grill). So I quickly backtracked and told her that it was a gift for US, but that the gift for HER was still to come. And thus I took her necklace shopping.
Thus, as my vote will indicate, I think C is the right answer (with the focus being on the fact that the gift is truly well received).
Kristi, I agree that the gift itself is less important than the other two factors, and that thoughtfulness matters a lot. (Although, if someone thoughtlessly gave me the Hope Diamond or a trip around the world or something equally awesome, I'd forgive them for doing it thoughtlessly.)
ReplyDeleteJamey,
ReplyDeleteVery true about people buying the gifts they'd want for themselves, not always the gifts their recipient would want.
Honestly, though, if your meter stick for a Good Gift is how much it's appreciated, what do you do when you're faced with someone who does NOT appreciate stuff? Does their lukewarm ingratitude make your very thoughtful nice gift a Bad Gift? Is the best gift for that person to not give them anything at all?
Sarah--Definitely. I think if you're trying to give a gift to someone who does not appreciate (or want) stuff, don't get them stuff. That's probably not their love language. I am one such person--I'd much rather someone go out of their way to save me a few minutes (by running an errand for me, picking up take-out, etc) than buying me a gift.
DeleteI think there's an exception to all of the above.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember when Dr. Grande gave his wife some kind of lawn care power tool as a gift? ...birthday? Valentines? anniversary? I don't remember which one, but it was a romantic holiday and he gave her that totally unromantic gift.
Sure, it might have been useful.
Sure, it was thoughtful because he knows she takes care of their yard.
Sure, she probably acted like she appreciated it.
But I'd argue that even having ALL THREE criteria (good item, thoughtful, well-received) still didn't make it an appropriate gift.
I definitely remember the lawn trimmer tool debacle! It reminded me of the time my dad gave my mom a truck battery for their anniversary. It was useful, thoughtful, and appreciated, but not at all romantic. Neither Mom nor Dad seemed bothered by its lack of romance, but the rest of us were. So can something be a Bad Gift just because external 3rd-party observers think it stinks?
DeleteWhy hasn't Dave weighed in on this? I think this needs a Point/Counterpoint!
ReplyDeleteHey, don't rush me! Maybe I'm waiting until after I see Sarah's reaction to her Valentine's Day truck battery.
ReplyDeleteNo, wait, the truck battery idea has been used. Geesh, how should I play this: power tools or household appliances?
Hmmm...power tools or household appliances? Neither is needed at this time, thank you.
DeleteMaybe go for something artsy, like those bizarro little cans of Artist's Poo by Piero Manzoni? After all, if you can't find a gift that's awesome, you may as well just try to find one that's awesomely weird!
On the occasion that someone has taken the time to choose any sort of gift for you, there exists a responsibility to be grateful. When you don't demonstrate an appropriate or even heightened sense of appreciation for a gift, you are essentially acting like a spoiled child who didn't get his or her way on Christmas morning. When a recipient behaves this way, the giver will likely feel less enamored and less willing to put as much thought and effort into the gift the next time around. Gift giving is all about that moment when the paper rips back and the recipient hugs the giver. The giver is thanking the giver for the thought and the giver is receiving the esteem needed to feel like the venture was successful. Don't be a Veruka Salt.
ReplyDeleteBonnie,
DeleteYou crack me up. I'm taking a writing class right now and your answer sounds like one my professor would approve of... big words, lots of them, point well said. :)
This is awesome Sarah, and I ALWAYS want an Oompa Loompa!
Oh and btw, the reciever should ALWAYS be grateful because even if the reciever does not find usefulness or appreciate the gift, he or she could always regift the gift in the moment of desperation.
ReplyDeleteOnce, when I was about 5 years old, my dad and I went to visit my Great Aunt Louella, who had advanced Alzheimer's Disease. I clearly remember that he left the room to talk with the nurse, and Auntie Louella looked me right in the eye and said, "I made you a present." Then she reached under her blankets and produced a small round ball of poo which she tried to hand to me, as a gift.
DeleteIt was hard to be grateful for that one.
It was even harder to re-gift it in a moment of desperation. ;-)