Kids, Random Objects, and the Fate of the Human Race

If there's any piece of medical knowledge I'm utterly certain about, it is this:

Little Homo sapiens invariably go through a phase around age 2-3 during which they feel compelled to swallow random inedible objects and/or stick stuff up their noses.

I have now seen what can only be described as a staggering number of children with beads jammed into nostrils, crayola chunks corked into lung bronchi, pennies meandering through intestinal tracts, and baby wipes burrowed into ear canals. I honestly don't understand how this makes sense as a developmental phase, but every single one of them seems to go through it. We obviously haven't gone extinct from it. On the contrary, this behavior is so pervasive in the human population, it's almost as though it was willfully bred in. So what could possibly be the evolutionary advantage? Did survival of the fittest involve having a rock irretrievably lodged up one nostril? Was there some distant ancestor who conquered the world and dominated the gene pool by virtue of the corn kernel wedged firmly inside his ear? Are the leaders of the future seriously out there right now, as toddlers, seeing if they can make the little red plastic hotel from the Monopoly game fit up their nose? Seeing whether they can inhale hotwheels cars and crayons instead of oxygen? Seeing if they can put all the change from mom's coin purse into their mouth...and...oops down it goes for a 2-day odyssey through the digestive tract? Is that the secret to survival as earth's dominant race? Honestly???

Swell. In that case, I present you with the secret formula for success:

Nostril plus bead equals total evolutionary advantage.