Dear Sarah,
Welcome to the Association for Crazy Cat Ladies.* Enclosed, please find your membership card, a litterbox scooper, a tiny catnip-scented toy ball with a jinglebell inside (retail price: an inexplicable $4.99), and a large unflattering muumuu** which you'll mysteriously yet inevitably feel compelled to wear as you revel in the joys of living alone and owning multiple cats.***
Sincerely,
ACCL Governing Board
Hubble****
and Marzipan*****
*The ACCL Association name was originated by Alyssa, who is awesome, proudly owns infinite cats, and has thoroughly convinced me that having two kitties will be waaaaaaaaaaay better than just one.
**No, Bonnie, I won't actually wear the crazy cat lady muumuu. Nor will I hang up the calendar you gave me. Nor will I end up with 12 cats someday.
***Yes, Bob Barker, my pets have been spayed or neutered. (A further safety measure against the aforementioned 12 cats.)
****Yes, he's named after the coolest space telescope in the universe! I dare you to even try saying "Ultra Deep Field Image" without feeling smart! Nerds, unite!
*****Renamed again, inspired by almond paste artwork and Homestar Runner. Mars for short. (Renamed? Again? What other names did I try out, you ask? Well, there was the name they assigned her at the animal shelter: "Hannah Montana." A travesty, really. We won't speak of that again. And there was "Zosyn," which I shamelessly love as the best combination antibiotic ever invented, and therefore thought would make a great name, but it just didn't fit her no matter how enthusiastically I tried. And there was "Poppy," which stuck for a whole week before it started seeming like she was named after someone's father. And there was "Vee," because for some reason I'm certain that when this cat thinks her internal monologues to herself, she has a thick Russian accent and uses the imperial first person as her pronoun of choice: "Vee are not amused. Vee do not approve of zis kitty litter. Vee demand somesing better; more verthy of our vonderful excellence. You have deesappointed us for ze last time. Meow.") Oh gosh, I'm imagining what the cat would say if it could talk. Sigh. Maybe the muumuu is inevitable after all.
Oh Sarah, they're beautiful. Congratulations. :-)
ReplyDeleteCongrats on pet motherhood! What sweet little identical cats! Are they twins or littermates or something? ...And, uh, if you're not going to wear the muumuu, can I have it? They seem awfully comfortable! ;p
ReplyDeleteJamie
Ok Sar....we all know it just takes one time. Just one beer. Just one cigarette. Just one blah blah blah and the same sequence applies for cat ownership. Sure you have two now, but how many will you have five years from now? Ten? It is only a matter of time before your checkbook, handbags and bumper stickers all include some ridiculous cat quote. That muumuu will be looking mighty tempting when you are surrounded by cats, eating pie straight from the pie tin and watching Steel Magnolias on cable alone in the dark.
ReplyDeleteCrud! You caught me! ...pie tin...muumuu...Steel Magnolias... That's exactly what I'm doing right now. It's like you read my mind! ;-)
ReplyDelete