Brace Yourself

Let July 26, 2011, go down in history as the day of a huge paradigm shift. (It used to have to content itself with being the day that's 2 days after Pioneer Day, but now it might finally get some intrinsic dignity.) Allow me to tell you why:

First, rewind to a month ago when my sister called to ask, "Did the package come yet?" and I said, "No." Two weeks before that phone call, she had sent me a box of fresh, delicious, home-baked cookies. You will always find cookies high on the list of things that make me near-comatose with happiness (along with back scratches and an 80-degree apartment in December), so I spent the next week watching the mail for that package until finally giving it up for dead.

Second, flash forward to today when the box arrived exactly 6 weeks after its postmarked date. I think the US postal mail between Arkansas and St Louis routes through Egypt. To state the obvious, the cookies had seen better days. I cradled them in my arms in their mangled Ziploc bag, wishing there were some way to save them.

That said, on to the groundbreaking paradigm shift!

One of my long-standing theories is that everything looks more alluring in black and white. The theory has never failed me. Models become supermodels in a black and white photo. Cluttered spaces become artsy. I become interesting and mysterious. You become intelligent and well-dressed.

This guy:

...becomes this guy:

But the smashed, decayed, stale remnants of oatmeal butterscotch cookies become mold-spore-ridden props from Night of the Living Dead:

The theory fails at last. The world is changed forever.

Please join me in a moment of silent mourning for the cookies, or suggest a way to save them.