Glurp. Blort. Burble.

Twas the night 'fore Thanksgiving and all through the sinks,

the drain was clogged up with gloopy pipe stuff that stinks. The kitchen was blurping and threatening to flood, so to quell the emergency, I called my great bud:

Disaster averted!

Taking a closer look at the plumbing greatness: 1) Glasses. Because I'm a disgrace to real scientists worldwide, I don't own safety goggles anymore. Instead, this is a grungy pair of fake Gucci sunglasses found on a beach in Miami. Safety first.

2) Scrubs and a white coat. Full skin coverage, and free laundry service at the hospital. Perfect for dealing with caustic chemicals and mystery sink-stink.

3) Plungers. I didn't own a plunger, so I went to the store (where everyone else was buying late night last-minute cranberry sauce). The store had plenty of cranberry sauce. It had zero plungers. There must have been some sort of clogged drain epidemic, because they were completely sold out. For good measure, I bought two plungers at the next store.

4) Ski gloves. It's all fun and games until the drain cleaner dissolves your fingers off.

5) Ye olde sink. It turned out to be clogged with a huge bogey of latex paint, which the apartment maintenance dudes must have washed down it when they prepped the apartment before I moved in this summer. If you've ever washed paint down a drain, fie on you.

6) Draino, which didn't work. Instead, we ended up using industrial strength, self-heating, foaming green crystals that psuedo explode when they touch water. Hence all of the above safety gear. It was like the 4th of July fireworks, right in my kitchen.